Ruth

we worked with cadavers for the first time today. it's been decided to use the people's actual names this semester.
i don't know how i feel about it yet.
sometimes, i feel removed. i'm zeroed-in on parts--it feels like i'm studying strata in rocks.
other times, it's so real.
especially when i look at their fingers. they have fingernails. these are the hands that did everything. these are the hands they dressed with, ate with, shook with, punched with, played with, loved with. these hands held their lover's hands.
someone misses this hand.
how can i dig through muscles when someone would do anything to hold this hand, kiss it, stroke it, hold it to their face?