welp

my little brother talking about his car:
"Take good care of her. She's my shawty."
"What?"
"Shawty, Dad. It's hip-hop for ... my belov-ed."

3rd grade boy:
"It's Sweet Pea."
"Your name is Sweet-P?"
"Well, Isaac, but my mom and everyone call me Sweet Pea."

home: today's top five

1. pre-washed dishes
2. sleepy snugly puppy
3. after-school treats
4. errands
5. old trunks

thanks L

i added a visitor thing so it can look like i'm cool and know people in england.
and my mom is going to inflate numbers.

home

mom: "honey, stripling warriors do not pinch their mothers' bottoms."

cord: "but they show affection in their own ways."

cord is a keen observer? yes. he has picked up masterful guilt-tripping techniques? yes.
exhibit a:
feeling dejected after trying to hug me while i was washing a dish
cord: "noni that dish will be here forever. i will not."

shaking hands with maxfield
max: "you aren't married? where's your ring?"
me: "that's my right hand. rings go on the left."
max: "let me see your left. (slipping a silver ring off his own finger) which finger was it now? (slipping my hand from his grasp) where's your boyfriend at?"
me: "he's out" (i'm not lying on a sunday. i'm referring to a future boyfriend. he's got to be out doing something..)
"i could never take you home. i live with my in-laws.. and you're white."

chris: "you're less white once you get to know you."
me: "excuse me?"
chris: "you got groove and all."

adios

transitions are always weird and lonesome. here's to summers and leaving. and never noticing the dressers are different colors. cheers!

call me ugly duckling

tonight, my hair got stuck and tangled in my retainer. how? don't ask.
i thought, "man, flashback to middle school... oh wait. i had braces until i was 20."

so what if i'm a late-bloomer?

i will describe the setting

Friday, February 5, 2010 approximately 10:23 am
Rock Canyon Elementary School, Mrs. Wilcox's classroom
Characters are: the adults (Josh and myself) and the children (Red-Headed Boy, Unrelated-Red-Headed Girl, Pony-Loving Boy, and One-Liner Boy)
Seated around a table partaking hard earned Choco Pies

Red-Headed Boy to Josh:
"Your arms are really hairy."

Unrelated-Red-Headed Girl to Red-Headed Boy:
"RUDE!"

Pony-Loving Boy to Unrelated-Red-Headed Girl:
"Well, he's right. They are hairy."

One-Liner Boy to Josh:
"Josh, my uncle has REALLY hairy arms and he still got married."

Ruth

we worked with cadavers for the first time today. it's been decided to use the people's actual names this semester.
i don't know how i feel about it yet.
sometimes, i feel removed. i'm zeroed-in on parts--it feels like i'm studying strata in rocks.
other times, it's so real.
especially when i look at their fingers. they have fingernails. these are the hands that did everything. these are the hands they dressed with, ate with, shook with, punched with, played with, loved with. these hands held their lover's hands.
someone misses this hand.
how can i dig through muscles when someone would do anything to hold this hand, kiss it, stroke it, hold it to their face?

I opened the window..

I was sent home from school today. Well, first I was sent to see Ron who sent me to turn in my assignments and then home.

You don't look so good.

Yeah..

(palm spreading toward me creating distance and shielding the cougar health snob from germs)

You sound even worse. Go to Ron. (and get the h away from me)

Flashback to elementary school, right? I just needed a hall pass.

I'm contemplating wearing a mask. I watched a special on influenza last night. They wore masks. Masks don't actually stop microbes, but I will look socially conscious and responsible.

Let's do reader interaction. That sounds exciting. Describe the last time you smurfed? No... were sent home from school - not necessarily due to illness.

Adam

offered me his cold medicine. I went into the boys' house when no one was home. It was kind of exciting. I also retrieved my missing aloe tissues - equally exciting.

No, I did not snoop. Although, I've heard Chris has a secret barbie stash. That's perplexing.

i excel in eating.

this includes most foods, but especially candy. the crazy core variety of skittles to be precise.

thank you adam for putting your favorite jeans on the line to get my fix the other day.

the bag lasted only seconds.

it was necessary.

anyway, i've been thinking.

i should be in a skittles eating contest.

why are we confined to hot-dogs, hamburgers and pies?

they always say to do what you love. and make a living out of it.

maybe i'll get sponsored. tour the great nation's fairs in my very own skittles-provided fatty-van.

go eat an apple or something.

it's here

i thought i wasn't ready for glinting christmas trees, nat king cole, snow flurries, steaming hot peppermint chocolate and cozy snuggles.

(not that it's season exclusive.. but seriously there's nothing better than a christmas spoon. right?)

and yesterday i wasn't.

we still have thanksgiving to look forward to for stuffings sakes!!

but here comes gap magic:

the boxes in the front window never stop twirling,

the sultry christmas songs are interspersed just right,

and i left a christmas-awaiting girl at the beginning of november.

bring on the holidays. i am ready.

actually, i can't wait.

tomorrow,

i have a date. sort of.

he said it would be "for ten minutes only,"

to talk and see that he's "not a weird man."

here's to you edgar,

may you be a man of your word.

may you wear stilted insoles.

may you buy me two scoops.

for general information we are meeting at the creamery at 7.

you know..

just in case.

i was feeling spicy and latin last night

"you were like fred astaire and ginger robbers............................... rogers."

"your spoon is contaminated now."

"..it's okay. i cleaned it with my tongue."

"Noni

s'okay

he probably knows you well enough to know that you're a)touchy and b)passionate

and if not, he certainly found out....

but really"

"i like your shoes."

"i like yours too."

dating is hard.

i like

babies.

"Buses

are like boys. Another one comes every ten minutes"

I wish this were really my philosophy.

Also

What's up with Olivia Wilde now on.. HOUSE?!

How long has this betrayal been going on? I must be lost since season.. did we stop on four?

A diagnostic mystery doctor? Come on.

Also what kind of a name is, "Thirteen?" Lame.

She'll always be a troubled teen to me.

good hellen

i don't know what else to say.

why aren't big nike sneakers socially acceptable daily wear anymore? how do i loathe them and yearn for them at the same time?

maybe crocs are the compromise.. heh. probably not.

maybe leopard crocs.

maybe.

shout out to ethan and cami's engagement. that's hot. think of the children.

hi-de-ho

"I'm going to go get in my pj's."

"Oh me too. And i have some bodily functions to take care of. (pause) So come over in fifteen to twenty minutes."

"Really...? Fifteen to twenty minutes?"

"I like to read, okay?!"

my dear roommate excitedly telling me about doing her first urinary catheter:

"It's so hard! It's like sticking three bananas through your eyeball. You don't think it will fit, but it's possible!"

last night

i was a man. i was a man in trouble. a fugitive actually.

i escaped arrest by kicking some serious trash, skittering up the most intense gym rope, flying trapeze style to be beyond reach, sonic the hedgehogging it out of the surrounded warehouse and convincing some respectable citizens i was just a normal guy in need of a restroom. all of their sinks were filled with soil and corn seeds. i couldn't properly wash the soap off my hands.

and then as the authorities were knocking on the door i woke up to too much mucus leaking down my throat. so gross.

yesterday

my urine smelled like hot pocket.

good sign?

also i feel oinky. i wish it were in the sexy miss piggy kind of way.